8 Weeks

Have you ever experienced loosing something you didn't even know you wanted?

Just four weeks ago I discovered I was pregnant.  It was an incredible discovery, as we were not trying for another baby, and quite the opposite in fact.  June 1st my husband's insurance was going to kick in and I was planning on getting an IUD.  Just 8 months ago I gave birth to our third child, and have been so thoroughly enjoying the relaxed pace of just one baby that the idea of a fourth so suddenly spun me for a loop. 

Now though, as I wait to find out if I am indeed loosing this pregnancy, I realize just how much I want it. Funny, isn't it?  It takes loosing something, or the very real possibility of loosing something, to grasp the value of it.

I have also been confronted with just how "in-the-moment" I tend to live - and how those moments are measured in my limited understanding.  The thought of what chaos would ensue with a 4th only 16 months younger than my 3rd has me packing my bags for the loony bin!  But my amazing Grandparents enthusiastically, and lovingly challenged that perspective with the reminder that the hard part only lasts a moment, "You'll turn around three times, Lins, and they'll be grown and gone and you'll be wishing they weren't.  Honey, this is really great news!"

They reminded me that I could never regret having a baby, for that person he or she will grow to be.  A lot of other things I could regret, but the hard work, and self-sacrifice it takes to raise a baby are never things regrets are born of. 

So, little one who is yet to be known, if you are coming into this world in a few months, I can't wait!  And, if by chance you're not, I'll miss you and am deeply grateful for your brief presence in my life.